Confessions of a Cereal Killer

Dear Everybody

I’m sure many of you kaypohs are dying from curiousity about my love life, now that I’m single again. So, this post is to keep all of my fans happy! Topic du jour: The Exciting ‘Love Life’ of Therese Yeow.

So, first of all, for the uninformed, I think you should know that I’ve parted ways with my ex-boyfriend, about three or four months ago. I wonder how people maintain good relationships with their old flames, because I tried keeping in touch, doing the we-can-still-be-friends thing, but it didn’t work. After a few attempts at ‘communicating’, I got confused as to whether we were just friends or back in the game. Certainly, I’m sure it’s not common practice to argue with your friends four out of the five times you talk. To put it simply, we ended up being total bitches to each other.

The relationship was already dead for as long as three months, and we were STILL arguing.

Moving on…

And I’m back in the dating game. Yes, my friends, I’m seeing someone!

You know most people have a very different idea about dating. Especially in Malaysia, I notice most local guys don’t date per se, if you get what I mean? They don’t do the whole ask-you-out-on-a-date-coffee-dinner-or-movie thing. Oh, but I understand, you local guys are just really lazy shy.

Anyway, I’m seeing someone now, unlike the masses, seemingly he’s doing it the traditional gwailow way, dating, and then seeing how it goes. Meaning, we’re just dating and not in a relationship yet. But this new guy, is apparently doing it the local way under the guise of gwailow style dating. He asks me out on a first date (which was incredibly nice, I might add), and then proceeds to talk to me everyday on MSN after that (which was incredibly pleasant, too) and then proceeds to talk to me as if we’re already in a relationship (which was incredibly stressful). Yes, we are communicating just like the way you do with your steady boyfriend/girlfriend, which includes arguments (and lots of honesty).

Yes I said that were ‘just dating’. But we’re already arguing and doing reality. Confused? Let me get down to the technicalities (tentatively):

                                                     Hours

One date                                             2½

About 50 sms-es                                4

MSN (in two days)                             5

                                                       ____

Total duration of communication      11½

Yes, less than 12 hours of communication, and we’re already having miscommunication. Good God. I’m actually having problems with my non-existent relationship.

Just a few weeks back I was having problems with my relationship that was over, and now I’m having problems with a relationship that hasn’t even begun yet!

I’m fighting the unborn while still haggling with the dead.

Dear Everybody,

And I’m back on Friendster blogs! I figured I need the cheap publicity. My www.public mentalmasturbation.blogspot.com idea didn’t really hit it off, because I figured NO ONE would visit it thus resulting in myself feeling too demotivated to write anything.

Anyway, back to business. After months of absence, I’m back with my first entry, and to commemorate this I’m going to discuss a very serious issue faced by hot chicks (like me) around the world. The Burning Question:

Is it a good thing for a girl to discover that her close male friends secretly harbour thoughts of screwing her?

Recently, I’ve made interesting discoveries about certain male friends of mine. Shocking ones. Yeah I know I’m hot and all, but I don’t want to know that I successfully made it to the level of being your masturbation fodder! And for God’s sake, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!

A few trustworthy (I hope!) male friends of mine told me that normally guys keep these stuff to themselves. Granted, I kinda discovered all this with the help of some alcohol. But then again, the people in question all insisted that they weren’t drunk although their breaths smelled like a freakin lavatory. But I did made some discoveries through some who told me this under the very thin disguise of ‘joking’! come on, man, girls have ESP or physic abilities or women’s intuition or whatever you call it.

I have met The Most Disgusting of them all though. He watches you from a distance without your knowledge, ‘sees’ through your clothes, and goes home and jacks off with you in mind, and then VOLUNTARILY TELLS YOU ABOUT IT. Revolting! Why pick on some innocent girl, who has no choice but to be born hot? Get a life and get online. The internet is for porn, my friend. Utilise it!

Some people tell me that a girl should be flattered to know stuff like this. I mean, really, wouldn’t you be the happiest person in the world to find out that all your friends of the opposite sex are friends with you because they want bang you? I know guys will definitely agree with this because it’s like an alpha male kinda thing right? Whoever gets the most love means he has the biggest gun and everyone loves a huge weapon. Well, but what about the ladies?

I hope to get some feedback from readers on this one. If God wills it, Friendster will effectively do my promotion so that there will be enough people to garner a few comments on this cutting edge issue that I’ve brought up.

My dear fans, our primary education (MTV, Friendster, Myspace and the other essential tools of life) teaches us that it’s the coolest thing to be idolized and be masturbated to. Cause it obviously means you’re hot. It means that you’re the (wet)dream girl everyone else wants to be!

Well, what do YOU think?

xoxo

Dear Everybody,

I’m back! And I’ve moved. To anyone who cares: I will not delete this one even though I will not be updating it, because I know sometimes you want to re-live the good times with me. I promise I will load my new one with more of my ironically self-deprecating, self-praising writing.

I know! I am so talented. Only because you can see it.

For skills that kill, visit

http://publicmentalmasturbation.blogspot.com/

Dear Somebody,

Alright, I found out that there ARE people out there who read my blog! I can’t describe how much more narcissistic you guys made me feel! Thank you so much.

If you notice, there was no entry for the month of December, and it was because of 2 reasons: 1: I thought there was no one reading my blog anymore since the comments went from positive to zero; and 2: I had writer’s block.

To be honest, I’m still having the block right now, but a very interesting mamak outing I had last night with my brilliant boyfriend, a handsome guy and two lovely ladies* gave me the idea to blog about…well, blogs in general!

Ok now you guys tell me, what kind of blogs do you like to read? There are good ones and they are bad ones out there, and if you are an experienced blog-reader you would know about the types of blogs commonly found in cyberspace.

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Type1: The Lan-happening (act happening) Blog

Bloggers who fall under this category typically write down every mundane detail of their so-called interesting lives. They make sure you get a blow-by-blow of what exactly happened when they were at Zouk on Friday night, and at Passion on Saturday night, and how difficult it was to choose between a Gucci and a Prada when they were out shopping at Kay-El-Chee-Chee** on Sunday afternoon. All these accompanied by beautiful photographs of them in heavy makeup and/or photoshop effects in the aforementioned places.

I mean, what the fuck, man! Generally, blogs like these are only read by close friends and losers/wannabes who have no lives and need to relieve their loneliness by reading about these ‘happening people’. And of course there are intellectual people like me who read them so that I can enlighten you good people out there.

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Type 2: The Melancholic Blog (a.k.a. Sad attention seeking page)

First of all, to be fair, all bloggers are attention seekers, but these bunch choose to seek it in the most irritating way ever. Normally these people are girls, and they love to write about how sad a certain guy/boyfriend made her feel, and the subject in question is ALWAYS anonymous. He would be the one who ‘broke’ her heart into a hundred thousand million billion trillion gazillion teeny tiny pieces, or he could be the nice guy whom she jilted/rejected and she has to express her guilt by apologizing a thousand times: ‘really really really sorry and thank you for being so sweet to me but I can’t do this right now…’ And of course there’s always the bastard who ‘never treats me the way he used to *sobs sobs*’.

Almost 90% of the time, only best jee mui friends (Cantonese: very close girlfriends), or lan-friendly (act friendly) people and guys who are sexually interested in the author will read these entries. The girlfriends will fittingly leave ‘encouraging’ words in the comment box like ‘don’t be sad because of him, it’s not worth it’. And the horny guys in disguise will take the opportunity to show how much they ‘care’ by commenting that how they will ‘always be there for you’.

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Type 3: The Photo-logs

These people don’t have loads of interesting things to write (or maybe they’ve gone dry on creative juice), so they decide to take pictures of their supposedly fascinating surroundings with every five steps they take when they are out and about. They will post them up on their ‘blog’ accompanied by so-called sarcastic and/or catchy captions. Based on the Degree in Bloggology which I have awarded myself, I infer that some bloggers who fall into this category contain mixed characteristics with that of Type 1: the ­lan-happening type.

These kind of ‘blogs’ are usually very boring and excruciatingly lame, but honestly it’s only society’s fault that these things are thriving and kicking us in the balls with their lame brand of humour. People just love it! They go back for more and more, and the shutterbug author just keeps clicking and clicking. Especially the Singaporean community. Their famous blogs are really pathetic. And so is the audience who reads them. Oh well, what can you expect from a bunch of people that aren’t allowed to chew gum in public? Surely, even I would be a bit anal if I can’t pop a Wrigley’s once in awhile.

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Type 4: The Gossipmongers’ Blog

Who doesn’t love gossip and celebrity bashing? There are some bloggers out there that devote their time to scrutinizing every move and flaw celebrities have in an engaging and funny way. And I have to admit these are the one of my favourite kinds of blogs. Yea, sure, you might think that the author is kind of a sad case if they have nothing better to do than to type about Hollywood lifestyle, but who cares? They’re making money and I’m all for checking out the latest celebrity nipple slips and sex tapes!

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Type 5: The Coolio Blogs

There is really no way to define blogs like these. They are the best blogs you can ever read, and even the word cool doesn’t quite nail its state of divinity. Although the people that write these kind of blogs are very free with the brickbats and are quite jahanam sometimes. If you want a good example you can look at this. Enough said.

Actually, there are more but I don’t dare to bore you with longer entries. And after all, it’s tough for an academician like me to write all my deep theories in layman terms for you guys to understand me. If you want more education, just tell me and I’ll be glad to oblige you with private lessons.

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The Learned One: Signing off – peace out, murid-murid!

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* Thanks to the devastatingly sexy Hui Munn and Eliza for lighting up the bulb in my head.

** KLCC

Dear Nobody,

Today I’m going to write about everybody’s (and also my-lah) favourite subject: sex! (no no, not about myself, I realized that besides updating frequently I have to have something more STIMulating here if I want to maintain a minimal amount of readership.) Well, apparently the sex lives of our neighbours down south are down in the doldrums and the Singaporean government is really going all out to get it up (no pun intended).

Currently, Singapore is having this ‘Sexpo Singapore 2005’ whereby everything about sex is going on display for visitors to give them ideas to improve their sex lives. Before you can say ‘Really?! Everything about sex going on display??!!’ with your legs…uh..i mean eyes wide open I’ll have to say ‘Well, not everything.’

I’m not going into details about what is going on at the Singaporean sexpo (you can read all about it here) but I’m just going to make some comments. If you had clicked on the link you’d come across the article entitled ‘Singapore Sexpo not so hot’. So you would know how ‘interesting’ it is. Sure, you have the sexy lingerie, vibrator massager rings and condoms and also pole dancers but many other things like penis rings, genital ticklers and abnormally huge vibrators are banned. Goodness, no wonder Singaporeans are so passionless.

The article stated that this Singapore Sexpo isn’t as ‘entertaining’ as those organized in Australia. It seems that in the Land of Oz, sexpos there had autograph sessions with porn stars, strip shows and lovemaking demonstrations. To check out this statement I’ve done some online research, and can confirm the fact that the Australian version is indeed much racier than the Singapore one (yes, duh). They have loads of really fascinating programs. Just to name a few: ‘Heavenly Body Sauce’ Chocolate Licking competition, Fake Orgasm competition (!), Queensland’s Bad Boy Revue, Miss Nude Australia, Savage Lingerie Parade and much more.

Wow! I wonder what is the ‘sauce’ in the chocolate licking competition? Is it really chocolate? And what about the fake orgasm competition? I think this is actually quite good, for women out there who are tired of their over-frisky partners, you can learn how to fake one and quickly get it over with. Haha, guys, don’t shoot (again, no pun intended) me! And I wonder if this ‘Fake Orgasm competition’ has a men’s category? I’ll be damned if guys can fake an orgasm!

Really shagedelic, huh? I won’t pretend I’m not DEAD curious about all this stuff. Sadly, Malaysians have no chance of ever having a sexpo here. Even if we do, I doubt it’ll be hotter than the Singapore version. Yes, we have to maintain our nilai-nilai budaya timur. But strangely enough, Malaysians are generally hornier than our Singaporean counterparts! Yes, according to a recent sex survey by Durex, the average Malaysian has sex 83 times a year. Not too bad compared to the global average of 103 per year. Singaporeans are far behind us at 73 times which is 2^nd last. And the Japanese are the lousiest, with a measly 45 times per year. Weird, isn’t it? And they have such hot pornography with such hot AV actresses. Really, this means that you can’t judge a nation’s sexiness by their porn exports.

So has today’s entry whetted your appetite yet? Anyway, I gotta go. I need to *satisfy* my curiosity. Hee hee. What?! I was ONLY going to find out what exactly is a vibrator massager ring. Oh, don’t give me that look, you weren’t reading this article just to ‘increase your general knowledge’.

Haha! Have a very sexy day!

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The Sexiest One: Signing off – Peace out, fuckers (pun intended. Lol)!

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Ps: you can get the full report on the Durex sex survey here.

Dear Nobody,

I was going through some old junk in my room the other day, and I came across a diary entitled ‘My Poem Book’. This ‘Book’ is actually chock-full of lame-ass poems that were mostly written before I’d started bleeding between my legs (read: period). Don’t worry, i won’t make you read them (poems=*yawn*, I know) but I found a poem I had written for myself when I was about 14 years old, that clearly illustrates what a narcissist I was even back then!!

‘Therese’ by Therese Yeow written 26/8/99

There is a beautiful girl named Therese

And the beauty that flows from her had never cease

Her hair doesn’t even have a single bit of grease

And she’s well mannered, too, always saying ‘please’

She’s kind with animals, especially geese

And she loves greens too, like trees

A poem named ‘Therese’ written by Therese for Therese. Goodness, I should’ve been ashamed of myself! At least now when I put on makeup and lurk in dark places I look like Ryoko Hirosue(eheh at least my own bf thinks so!) but last time I was a total lame nerd meets ugly fuck. I think even my ever-loving boyfriend would not be able to argue that statement. And not to mention the complete dungu way i wrote it. It HAD to rhyme at the end of every line. And the part about being ‘kind with animals’, well people who know me better know that I’m PETA*’s biggest fan. Plus, no need to mention about the last line. ‘she loves greens too, like trees’?? Like, wtf?! Oh man, I was such an idiot!

But there is a love poem I wrote last year, that I personally thought was quite tolerable. I think that had something to do with the person who inspired this one. I am sharing this poem with you, but if you think poems (or rather, my poems) are not your ‘thang’ you need not read it. It’s pretty understandable actually, especially if you’ve read the one above.

(untitled) by Therese Yeow written 6/1/04

In my mind you run

Your image immaculate like the sun

To the edge I’m driven

Craving for your attention

Deep into my heart you reach and hold

Consuming me body and soul

Right down to the core

I’m yours

Yours

Forevermore

Touching? Damn lame? Obsessive? Psycho bitch? Haha…I’d like to think it’s all of the above. Oh man, I am such a desperado.

The ‘Poetic’ One: Signing off - peace out, readers!

*PETA- People Eating Tasty Animals

Dear Nobody,

Just the other day, when I was bumming around the rest area in my faculty, I came across something very interesting. But before I get to the interesting part you have to bear with me while I explain the situation a bit.

So I was at the rest area when I decided I needed to use the toilet downstairs. So I went down to the basement, and in front of the toilet I saw a couple of old, used office desks and other furniture taking up a lot of space in the landing area. They were all piled on top of each other, all together and were bound with some raffia string, obviously waiting to be taken away.

Now the interesting bit is, there is a notice on the furniture, stating that it is to be disposed of. But instead of ‘untuk dibuang’ or something like that, this is what I saw:

“UNTUK DIKONDEM”?? I stood rooted to the spot and started laughing. LOL! Really, is that really supposed to mean ‘to be discarded’? If I’m not mistaken, it seems like the word ‘dikondem’ sounds like it’s borrowed from the English word ‘comdemn’. This BM language really cracks me up. I can stand words like ‘pengimplementasian’ (borrowed from implementation), or even ‘di-clampkan’ (‘to be clamped’, yes it’s true) but this is THE bomb! At first I doubted whether this word even exists until a quick flip through Kamus Dewan* confirmed that it exists, and it means ‘sudah rosak sama sekali dan tidak boleh dipakai lagi’. (‘di-clamp-kan’ doesn’t, though. Apparently it’s only valid in UM)

It’s funny and strange (although some might say ‘di-clamp-kan’ is funnier and weirder) not only because the word is borrowed from English, but also because of its meaning. Using this word in this context, it’s not really suitable. It really sounds a tad bit too dramatic, don’t you think? I mean, come on! ‘Condemn’. ‘Untuk Dikondem’. Sounds like they’re sending those desks to hell or something. Poor desks. Doomed forever. Sentenced to eternal damnation.

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Goodness! I mean, like, really…

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Well, that’s what I thought, until I searched the word ‘condemn’ on dictionary.com and I this is what I found:

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Hmm, looks like I underestimated the meaning of this word. But do you think it sounds less ridiculous in English? Think about coming across an abandoned building about to be demolished with a sign on the front that reads ‘to be condemned’? Well, I don’t know about you, but I would fucking laugh my ASS off if I saw that!

And now, I’m going off to pray for those poor doomed desks. May God have mercy on them.

The Stumped One: Signing off – Peace out, weirdos!

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*many thanks to the brilliant Charmian Choo for the use of her Kamus Dewan

Dear Nobody,

I understand how it feels to have bad complexion. I should know! I’ve been walking around looking like a pizza face lately. Damn and confound the sebum on my face. Well let me tell you, what’s worse than being a pizza-face is that people notice that you’re a pizza-face. And what’s worse than having people notice your fucking pizza-face is that they make comments about it. And what’s worse than that? Is that they make those comments not meaning to insult, but in a very matter-of-fact way, as if it’s the most sane thing to do.

So I’m walking along hand in hand with my ever sexy boyfriend in Jusco Mid Valley on an oppressively hot Wednesday afternoon, my ‘shining like the moon’ face devoid of makeup and not giving a damn cause I thought no one goes to lousy department stores like Jusco on Wednesdays especially when there’s no sale going on. Apparently I was wrong because I bumped into an old (and dear) friend of mine going for asam laksa tea break (damn that Jusco eatery) with an old acquaintance.

I saw them from a distance of six feet, and knowing I was bare-faced that day I naturally went ‘oh shit!’ and darted behind a rack of spanners (we were in the hardware department). I really couldn’t be spotted with my face full of caked blood and dead skin. Really, it was terribly wounded due to my pressing of four zits that converged at a single spot on my forehead between my eyebrows. So i hid.

Alas, my teeny frame couldn’t be hidden by a rack of tools and Yan Yan (the old acquaintance) spotted me.

Yan Yan: Hey, it’s…Therese!

Yi Ling: Hey! (giggles insanely in her usual way)

Therese: Hello! Hello Yan Yan! What a coincidence…you guys shopping?

YL: Yes…(looks distracted…stares at Therese’s pimply forehead)

YY: Your boyfriend? (stares at the sexy one but inadvertently looks at my face in wonderment)

Therese: er…yes he’s here…

I proceeded to introduce him but they didn’t get much time to exchange pleasantries for Yi Ling seemed all too eager to point out the huge wound on my face. She pointed at my forehead and went ‘hey…your…’ and burst into another series of insane giggles (again).

Well no need to describe how I felt. If you thought my pizza face was like a Pizza Hut pizza then at that moment I was felt like I was demoted to the lousy ‘pizza bread’ they sell at New Zealand Cake House.

But dear Yi Ling, I don’t blame you because, well, there are some things in life you just have to comment on. Because it just seemed, well, it seemed the most normal thing to do. And the giggling…well I know that’s the most normal thing to do too, for you at least. Heheh. And I know you don’t mean any offence to me.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and comment on other people’s faces(IF there is even anything to comment about) because I’m normal and I do normal stuff.

The Pimply One: Signing off – peace out, hotties!

Dear Nobody,

You know when i first found out i was going to study Economics in University Malaya, i expected what everyone would expect when they find out they’re going to study in a local university: everything in Bahasa Melayu, everyone wearing long pants and long sleeved shirts, plenty of malay food, nasi kandar…etc. But what i really encountered was really totally different from what i imagined.

On the first day of classes, when I reached the Economics faculty, I saw a cute guy standing by the staircase. He looked smart, and was tall. He looked like he was waiting for someone. Since he was free and I was lost, I thought this would be my perfect chance to ask for directions and leave a good impression at the same time. I went over to him and smiled. I said, ‘Hi, can you tell me where is the Dewan FEA?’

‘Huh?’ he said, looking baffled.

‘Erm, do you know where is the dewan FEA?’ I repeated, feeling a bit uncomfortable.

‘ohhh…Dewan FEA ar..oh is up dare,’ he pointed towards the staircase.

My God, I thought, what atrocious English! Too bad he’s cute. I thanked him and made my way up the stairs. I still couldn’t find the place (turns out it was a good THREE flights of staircases away) so I asked another person, and another person, and to my utmost horror, they all talked like this: ‘ go up the stair and turn left and go up another stair and is dare’. And when I asked them further questions they all say something like ‘soli…my English no good! Ahh…uhh…’ and then I had to break into mandarin and they all give me the relieved look and mutter away directions in mandarin. After some time I learnt to approach everyone with mandarin first, and English as a backup (although I later found out that English wasn’t much use here!).

Whilst wandering around looking for the said hall, i looked around and saw the notice boards on the walls. And i realized something: the huge amount of notices and announcements in Chinese!!

Good God, I thought, this is not the UM Economics faculty, this is China!

You know even the Malays and Indians here don’t speak much English?! Everyone here only speak one language, which is Malay, Tamil or Mandarin. And since the Chinese dominate the Econs faculty, well…you might as well be in Beijing! Chinese, Chinese everywhere! even during breaktime, when I go to the resting area, I’ll hear mandarin conversations and jokes from a mile away.

Strangely enough, the Malays and Indians here seem to have disappeared into the background. They’re like wallflowers you know, you only notice them when you look at the walls of the room. I always see them hanging by the door, or the sides of the room. Strange, very strange indeed.

I’m not trying to say that I’m great at English myself but I can’t help but wonder, why the hell are these people so bad in English? They are supposed to be the best students! Heck, I’m one of the few that actually got in with my miserable one A. Almost all my friends have at least 2As in STPM (was really embarrassing when we exchanged info about our results, but that’s for another post another day).

Luckily, not everyone is all that bad. But most of them really have to wake up and smell the coffee when it comes to speaking English. I don’t know about their reading or writing skills, but speaking is definitely bad! Now I know why local grads can’t land themselves with good jobs. I’m right smack in the middle of that reason myself!

Oh well, what can I do? I’m speaking Chinese every day, I’m really becoming Chinese-ed out! But these Chinese-speaking people, they’re really nice to me. I wonder how come I notice that all mandarin-speaking people are mostly boring, sweet and gentle, whereas English-speaking fuckers like me and my other ‘banana’ friends are so interesting, mean and sarcastic. I’m beginning to think that language plays a huge factor here. Maybe people like me think that we’re so bloody smart because we speak fluent English, that’s why we have a natural tendency to be a little arrogant and mean? Or maybe there’s really no way for a person to be sarcastic in mandarin. The language is just too gentle and beautiful. Well at least that would be my reason not to swear, cuss or crack crude jokes in mandarin. Simply because the words do not exist for that purpose!

Ok I’m so sorry for boring you with my musings. See, even I’m turning nice, sweet and boring. Don’t blame me! I’ve already been living for more than a month in ‘China’.

The Chinese-ed one: signing off – peace out, peng you men (mandarin: fellow friends) !

Dear Nobody,

You know what tickles my fancy? Some people’s names! I think it’s really strange the way some parents name their children. Did they really mean for their kids to sound ridiculous, or they really thought that the names sounded really good? Well I’m suddenly on to the topic of names because I just gotten into a local university and well, I’ve met some people with some pretty amazing names.

So at the start of orientation, I was going through the list of names (looking for mine and also scanning for some hot-sounding ones) when I came across this person with the name: See Sharp. Yes, people, SEE SHARP! Isn’t that a lark? I couldn’t believe it. It’s like the music key C Sharp you know? I wonder if when the parents gave him/her the name did they really intended that musical pun? Or maybe they intended their child to grow up to be a very observant person. I meant to meet that person during the orientation, but unfortunately I was unable to locate him/her among the 500+ new students. I would dearly love to go up to her/him and go ‘Hey, See Sharp, nice to meet you! What a coincidence: I’m D flat!’. Hahaha!

Oh, and my hostel mate during orientation has the name ‘Cis’ as part of her Chinese name. Poor gal! Imagine you had to go through life with a malay profanity sounding name?

But the one that really tops it has got to be this particular chinese name that is homophonic with a rather unflattering cantonese expression of appearances. I won’t mention the person’s real name here, but i would reveal to you that her name really is pronnounced almost exactly houu yoke shuin (cantonese: very ugly). LOL! Really, the parents should name this person Leng Lei or something, since the surname that precedes is pronnounced as ‘houu’ (cantonese: very). At least it could be houu leng lui (cantonese: very pretty girl). It might sound odd, and a tad bit narcissitic, but it sure beats ‘very ugly’!

Really, parents should really think properly before naming their kids. Maybe people in the past have less education and can be forgiven. But people nowadays should really be more careful, to avoid their kids being the laughingstock of their pals. You really don’t want to walk the world sounding like Malay,Chinese or English profanities/obscenities.

But of course, there are people whose names are strange, but they’re the family names, so actually it’s really nobody’s fault, just by pure bad luck that their names are homophones with some…er…suggestive slang.

During my university orientation, I met someone with the surname Kum, pronounced as ‘come’. Ok, first of all I have to clarify that the person whose name this belongs to is one of the most pleasant, nicest, smartest AND articulate people I have ever met (she’s a debate champion). I am sorry, dear, but I have to include this in my List of Amazing Names. I really feel kinda sorry, she must’ve gotten LOADS of ‘come’ and…*ahem* ‘cum’ jokes. But in this case I would like to point out that the name this is absolutely not the fault of the family. It’s just a name. And I’m mentioning it because it’s really worth mentioning. What a rare and amazing pun. I really don’t intend to insult okay? It’s just really astonishing, you know!

Another person with a strange name: used to be in my secondary school. I don’t know him but I know his name. Name is Tiew. Now this is someone that I’m REALLY sorry for! He’s a Chinese guy some more. You can imagine all the jokes he gets. I really don’t mean to insult your family name, but…really, it just blows me away! Again, I’m sorry for all the jokes that you get, but I really can’t help exclaiming at this bizarre phenomenon.

Well, but I have to say that despite all that I notice that people have really improved when it comes to naming their kids. You no longer hear anyone with stupid names that really don’t mean anything. That is the worst. I know there are people who name their children for the sake of naming. Like naming their son Ah Chai. Or their daughters Anakku Sayang. Don’t believe me? It’s true! There are people with those names. They’re just really rare now. Thank God. I think that’s really stupid. If you had a building to name, you wouldn’t call it something like Wisma Bangunan right? Defeats the whole purpose of naming it. How ridiculous.

Oh but if I should be re-named myself, I think I should be named Ah Laeng or Dayangku Ayu. Heheh.

The Tickled One: Signing off – peace out, fellas!

Disclaimer: The writer apologises for poking fun at other people’s names and does not intend to offend anybody with the above blog entry. Any similarities between the readers’ names and the aforementioned names are purely coincidental.

Now that I recall, I used to know a person with the name Chee Kern. I’m so sorry, but that really blows me away! LOL! And to think they spelt ‘Kern’ with an R there, so you can’t even call him ‘ken’ or ‘keen’. No other way to pronounce it but ‘chickern’.