Confessions of a Cereal Killer

Dear Nobody,

Yesterday, i went to Zouk! Yes, ladees and gentlemen, i was HOT and HAPPENIN’!!! It was ladies night and…well, i was hoping to talk about how many cute guys approached me and the way i rejected them but…too bad! All that approached me were slimeballs and/or ugly dancers.

Alright, now i’m going to release my barrage of complaints. First of all, Zouk is totally overrated (well, at least Zouk - Mainroom is)! What is so great about that place? I was really looking forward to going there yesterday because i heard so much about it. But i was severely disappointed.

Let me start with the guys there. I’ve never met a bunch of people who dance as badly as those guys or who are sleazier than them. I’ll start with the malay guys. They stand around the edges of the dancefloor and bars and make squeaky noises not unlike those that are made by rodents whenever a member of the opposite sex passes by. When i first stepped into the club and heard that i half thought there were rats around. Man, how desperate can you get?! It’s as if they’ve never seen girls before.

And then, there are those indian guys. They hog the dance floor to show off their ’shuffling’. And the rest of us- we had to step aside and stick to the wall- or in this case, to each other- to avoid them! i ended up sandwiched between my girlfriends while snapping my fingers and weakly moving my shoulders in an attempt to dance in a confined space. Plus, their dance moves were so ugly!

Speaking of which, this brings me to the subject of chinese guys. They. Simply. Can’t. Dance. Period. All they do is stand around and move one fist in a stabbing motion (which i thought was kinda alarming- what do these guys really mean by shaking their fists like that? In a stabbing motion!) while staring around at hot chicks. They don’t even bother to use both hands! Obviously, these guys can’t multitask. If you want to admire girls why not just stand by the bar or the table istead of taking up space on the dance floor? Do they honestly think some girl will catch their eye and ask them to dance? These guys gotta wake up.

But the worse of the lot has got to be those caucasians. Apparently they really come to clubs hoping to hook up some sarong party girl. Some of them are REAL SLIMEBALLS! They really disgust me. There’s this one guy who wanted me to spank him! Well, maybe i could be a sport and give him a lil’ pat on the ass if he didn’t try grabbing MY ass! Goodness. These guys have no Social Decorum at all- they don’t know when to draw the line. And the westerners used think that they brought civilisation to us. Unbelievable!

Besides, the place was JAM-PACKED. Maybe because it was ladies’ night. i had hardly any space to dance, and with the space-hoggers around, i was practically ’shelved’. We were like books in different sizes and shapes haphazardly stuffed into an already crowded rack.

Oh but the girls there are HOT! I’m not only talking about me and my friends. Me and my girlfriend checked out quite a number of ‘em in the ladies’ room. There are so many sexy ladies, and they can dance so well. Thank God for them, if not i think Zouk can start packing up since its male patrons are so useless. You go, girls!

One more thing - this has got nothing to do with Zouk, it’s just me. I have such bad luck! I purposely went to Zouk hoping for trance and house music but, apparently, it was Ladies Night, a.k.a. Ghetto Heaven. So i had to spend a whole night listening to the usual - Beyonce, Sean Paul, Usher, etc. You get the drift. RnB is all the same.

So much for ‘hot and happenin” , huh?

The Disappointed One: Signing off - peace out, clubbers!

p/s: if you are a guy and you patronise Zouk often and feel offended, well, i just want you to know that…i’m glad you read this! Go and improve yourselves!

This entry was posted on Friday, April 29th, 2005 at 11:04 am and is filed under 'My 2 cent's worth on other stuff/people'. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.