The Phone
Friday, May 6th, 2005Dear Nobody,
I was out shopping with a friend today – she needed to buy a new mobile phone. Well, so there were various phones in different shapes and sizes, the clam-shells and the candy bars. And I stumbled upon something so astonishing, so astounding, that I simply have to do a spot of advertising here.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, behold The Nokia 7610.
Now if you’re wondering what is so great about this particular mobile that it compels me to do free advertising for Nokia, please be patient and hear me out. Now when you purchase the NOKIA 7610, the standard practice is this: you buy the phone itself, and then you buy the ‘extra software’ as well, because, apparently, this phone is one of the ‘smart’ ones where its software is upgradeable. Did you know that the phone does not have an auto-keylock function? So when you purchase it you have to ‘upgrade’ your software so the phone can do that. Heck, my mom’s ancient 6510 can lock its own keys in under 10 seconds. What a cheap trick to get consumers to pay extra!
Alright, I’m coming to the part where I explain how come this mobile completely bowled me over. (Can’t help complaining, sorry, I’ve been living for 2 decades with my grandma) So we were looking through the list of software that can be installed into the phone by the proprietor. I came across something with the title ‘anti-mosquito’. ‘Hey what’s this: Anti-mosquito?’ I queried.
‘Oh, that’s probably some kind of game,’ my friend replied. Then the salesman interrupted us. ‘No, it’s not. It’s um….actually, it’s a software that keeps the mosquitoes away’.
‘WHAT?! Oh!!! How does it work?’ I asked, jaws all on the floor.
‘Well, it changes the frequency of the waves and keeps them bugs away.’
What do you think of that?! A phone, which is able to make calls, send and receive messages (both text and graphic, mind you), enable bluetooth and infra-red technology, take pictures, AND repel mosquitoes! Well maybe I’m just too outdated but this is….un-FUCKING-believable! Please excuse the harsh language but such an incident calls for such descriptive language (to emphasize the point). I was totally flabbergasted. Really! Looks like mobile phones are set to be the next big thing, even bigger than the internet. Soon, in the future, there’ll be no need for anything anymore. We already have no need for television sets (you can subscribe to astro and watch its programmes on the 7610 as well) or radios, gaming consoles, cameras and real life courtship (you can sit opposite of each other in the LRT and send each other love-dovey cutesy Messy Maro text messages to your boi-boi/gurl-gurl or whatever the F), and now…mosquito repellents.
Technology, it’s advancing, too fast! I bet if artificial intelligence became self aware, our cellular phones would be the first to wake up and start destroying us. Not some ‘Skynet software’ that will send cybernetic organisms back in time to blast us to pieces with a mini-gun. Oh, no…they’ll be subtle. The damned phones will probably emit deadly radioactive waves and kill us all with brain-cancer.
Yeah, so, your phone has 3G technology and a 5 megapixel camera. But does it repel mosquitoes as well?
The Outdated One: Signing off – peace out, dorks!
