Confessions of a Cereal Killer

Dear Nobody,

I’m fading away! Yes, I’m getting so damn thin that, one day, there’ll be nothing of me left. Well there’s already so little of me I’m sure it won’t take long for me to disappear altogether.

What a depressing thought.

I’m underweight, pimply and have limp hair. I wonder what happened to the days when I was still hot and fuckable?

So I was in KLCC, when I was waiting for my boyfriend to finish his business in the loo. I was just standing outside by the banisters, you know, just hangin’, chilin’. Then there was this old aunty -with her three screaming annoying kids who were running around- who was also waiting for god knows whom.

She looked at me, or rather, obviously secretly scrutinized me. Well, I’m used to that kind of attention, of course. That’s what you get for being hot. (I know I just complained that I’m ugly, but on that day I had on really good makeup, so I just assumed my makeup worked). So she looked at me. And me, I just do the same old, same old: look elsewhere and try not to look too proud while I swell with pride inwardly.

I stole a glance in her direction to see if she’s still admiring me. She caught my eye and smiled. Okay! That was a good sign, I thought. She’s smiling. Evidently people always want to befriend good-looking people. Not a problem at all! So I smiled back. And then she started walking towards me…

All the while I’m thinking: Oh great! Therese, she might want to tell you she has never seen anybody so good looking in her life! Hmm but then again, you didn’t put mascara today, is the makeup really that effective? But maybe…

I took a breath and tried to look mildly surprised when she approaches me.

“You…sangat kurus. You know?” She smiles. My mildly-surprised look falters a little. She sees it. She says “Er…slim! Good.” Before pointing at me and flashing a thumbs up sign and moving away.

Strangers, PERFECT strangers, are coming up to me telling me I’m too thin. Oh God, what am I to do?

My boyfriend says: ‘dear, I think there is something seriously wrong with you. Yes I know you’re turning green, with all your veins sticking out. No, you’re not turning into a zombie, you’re just really too thin! You have to see a doctor. You could be sick, you know. Maybe you have breast cancer. I think you should let me help you check for lumps.’

‘…’

‘Okay, okay…the doctor can do it…’

I am going to have a second lunch.

The Scrawny One: Signing off – peace out, fatsos!