Confessions of a Cereal Killer

Dear Nobody,

You know when i first found out i was going to study Economics in University Malaya, i expected what everyone would expect when they find out they’re going to study in a local university: everything in Bahasa Melayu, everyone wearing long pants and long sleeved shirts, plenty of malay food, nasi kandar…etc. But what i really encountered was really totally different from what i imagined.

On the first day of classes, when I reached the Economics faculty, I saw a cute guy standing by the staircase. He looked smart, and was tall. He looked like he was waiting for someone. Since he was free and I was lost, I thought this would be my perfect chance to ask for directions and leave a good impression at the same time. I went over to him and smiled. I said, ‘Hi, can you tell me where is the Dewan FEA?’

‘Huh?’ he said, looking baffled.

‘Erm, do you know where is the dewan FEA?’ I repeated, feeling a bit uncomfortable.

‘ohhh…Dewan FEA ar..oh is up dare,’ he pointed towards the staircase.

My God, I thought, what atrocious English! Too bad he’s cute. I thanked him and made my way up the stairs. I still couldn’t find the place (turns out it was a good THREE flights of staircases away) so I asked another person, and another person, and to my utmost horror, they all talked like this: ‘ go up the stair and turn left and go up another stair and is dare’. And when I asked them further questions they all say something like ‘soli…my English no good! Ahh…uhh…’ and then I had to break into mandarin and they all give me the relieved look and mutter away directions in mandarin. After some time I learnt to approach everyone with mandarin first, and English as a backup (although I later found out that English wasn’t much use here!).

Whilst wandering around looking for the said hall, i looked around and saw the notice boards on the walls. And i realized something: the huge amount of notices and announcements in Chinese!!

Good God, I thought, this is not the UM Economics faculty, this is China!

You know even the Malays and Indians here don’t speak much English?! Everyone here only speak one language, which is Malay, Tamil or Mandarin. And since the Chinese dominate the Econs faculty, well…you might as well be in Beijing! Chinese, Chinese everywhere! even during breaktime, when I go to the resting area, I’ll hear mandarin conversations and jokes from a mile away.

Strangely enough, the Malays and Indians here seem to have disappeared into the background. They’re like wallflowers you know, you only notice them when you look at the walls of the room. I always see them hanging by the door, or the sides of the room. Strange, very strange indeed.

I’m not trying to say that I’m great at English myself but I can’t help but wonder, why the hell are these people so bad in English? They are supposed to be the best students! Heck, I’m one of the few that actually got in with my miserable one A. Almost all my friends have at least 2As in STPM (was really embarrassing when we exchanged info about our results, but that’s for another post another day).

Luckily, not everyone is all that bad. But most of them really have to wake up and smell the coffee when it comes to speaking English. I don’t know about their reading or writing skills, but speaking is definitely bad! Now I know why local grads can’t land themselves with good jobs. I’m right smack in the middle of that reason myself!

Oh well, what can I do? I’m speaking Chinese every day, I’m really becoming Chinese-ed out! But these Chinese-speaking people, they’re really nice to me. I wonder how come I notice that all mandarin-speaking people are mostly boring, sweet and gentle, whereas English-speaking fuckers like me and my other ‘banana’ friends are so interesting, mean and sarcastic. I’m beginning to think that language plays a huge factor here. Maybe people like me think that we’re so bloody smart because we speak fluent English, that’s why we have a natural tendency to be a little arrogant and mean? Or maybe there’s really no way for a person to be sarcastic in mandarin. The language is just too gentle and beautiful. Well at least that would be my reason not to swear, cuss or crack crude jokes in mandarin. Simply because the words do not exist for that purpose!

Ok I’m so sorry for boring you with my musings. See, even I’m turning nice, sweet and boring. Don’t blame me! I’ve already been living for more than a month in ‘China’.

The Chinese-ed one: signing off – peace out, peng you men (mandarin: fellow friends) !

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 9th, 2005 at 8:59 am and is filed under 'My 2 cent's worth on other stuff/people'. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.