Confessions of a Cereal Killer

Dear Somebody,

Alright, I found out that there ARE people out there who read my blog! I can’t describe how much more narcissistic you guys made me feel! Thank you so much.

If you notice, there was no entry for the month of December, and it was because of 2 reasons: 1: I thought there was no one reading my blog anymore since the comments went from positive to zero; and 2: I had writer’s block.

To be honest, I’m still having the block right now, but a very interesting mamak outing I had last night with my brilliant boyfriend, a handsome guy and two lovely ladies* gave me the idea to blog about…well, blogs in general!

Ok now you guys tell me, what kind of blogs do you like to read? There are good ones and they are bad ones out there, and if you are an experienced blog-reader you would know about the types of blogs commonly found in cyberspace.

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Type1: The Lan-happening (act happening) Blog

Bloggers who fall under this category typically write down every mundane detail of their so-called interesting lives. They make sure you get a blow-by-blow of what exactly happened when they were at Zouk on Friday night, and at Passion on Saturday night, and how difficult it was to choose between a Gucci and a Prada when they were out shopping at Kay-El-Chee-Chee** on Sunday afternoon. All these accompanied by beautiful photographs of them in heavy makeup and/or photoshop effects in the aforementioned places.

I mean, what the fuck, man! Generally, blogs like these are only read by close friends and losers/wannabes who have no lives and need to relieve their loneliness by reading about these ‘happening people’. And of course there are intellectual people like me who read them so that I can enlighten you good people out there.

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Type 2: The Melancholic Blog (a.k.a. Sad attention seeking page)

First of all, to be fair, all bloggers are attention seekers, but these bunch choose to seek it in the most irritating way ever. Normally these people are girls, and they love to write about how sad a certain guy/boyfriend made her feel, and the subject in question is ALWAYS anonymous. He would be the one who ‘broke’ her heart into a hundred thousand million billion trillion gazillion teeny tiny pieces, or he could be the nice guy whom she jilted/rejected and she has to express her guilt by apologizing a thousand times: ‘really really really sorry and thank you for being so sweet to me but I can’t do this right now…’ And of course there’s always the bastard who ‘never treats me the way he used to *sobs sobs*’.

Almost 90% of the time, only best jee mui friends (Cantonese: very close girlfriends), or lan-friendly (act friendly) people and guys who are sexually interested in the author will read these entries. The girlfriends will fittingly leave ‘encouraging’ words in the comment box like ‘don’t be sad because of him, it’s not worth it’. And the horny guys in disguise will take the opportunity to show how much they ‘care’ by commenting that how they will ‘always be there for you’.

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Type 3: The Photo-logs

These people don’t have loads of interesting things to write (or maybe they’ve gone dry on creative juice), so they decide to take pictures of their supposedly fascinating surroundings with every five steps they take when they are out and about. They will post them up on their ‘blog’ accompanied by so-called sarcastic and/or catchy captions. Based on the Degree in Bloggology which I have awarded myself, I infer that some bloggers who fall into this category contain mixed characteristics with that of Type 1: the ­lan-happening type.

These kind of ‘blogs’ are usually very boring and excruciatingly lame, but honestly it’s only society’s fault that these things are thriving and kicking us in the balls with their lame brand of humour. People just love it! They go back for more and more, and the shutterbug author just keeps clicking and clicking. Especially the Singaporean community. Their famous blogs are really pathetic. And so is the audience who reads them. Oh well, what can you expect from a bunch of people that aren’t allowed to chew gum in public? Surely, even I would be a bit anal if I can’t pop a Wrigley’s once in awhile.

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Type 4: The Gossipmongers’ Blog

Who doesn’t love gossip and celebrity bashing? There are some bloggers out there that devote their time to scrutinizing every move and flaw celebrities have in an engaging and funny way. And I have to admit these are the one of my favourite kinds of blogs. Yea, sure, you might think that the author is kind of a sad case if they have nothing better to do than to type about Hollywood lifestyle, but who cares? They’re making money and I’m all for checking out the latest celebrity nipple slips and sex tapes!

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Type 5: The Coolio Blogs

There is really no way to define blogs like these. They are the best blogs you can ever read, and even the word cool doesn’t quite nail its state of divinity. Although the people that write these kind of blogs are very free with the brickbats and are quite jahanam sometimes. If you want a good example you can look at this. Enough said.

Actually, there are more but I don’t dare to bore you with longer entries. And after all, it’s tough for an academician like me to write all my deep theories in layman terms for you guys to understand me. If you want more education, just tell me and I’ll be glad to oblige you with private lessons.

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The Learned One: Signing off – peace out, murid-murid!

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* Thanks to the devastatingly sexy Hui Munn and Eliza for lighting up the bulb in my head.

** KLCC

This entry was posted on Monday, January 16th, 2006 at 6:49 am and is filed under 'My 2 cent's worth on other stuff/people'. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.